No doubt about it, the pandemic has created challenges for relationships. Between the lockdowns and social distancing, we've experienced a complete disruption of our routines. As a result, our lives changed and relationships have been sidelined, often due to not being physically present with our friends. 

Friendship and connection are beneficial for our mental and physical health. Studies have shown that isolation is not good for us. We need one another, and the pandemic may have us questioning what is truly important to us. We may be evaluating how we spend our time and with whom we spend it. 

As we tiptoe back into getting together, we may look at our friendships through a new lens. What can we do to reconnect with existing friendships? How do we make new friends? Are there friendships we need to reevaluate?  

Making friends as adults

Friendships enrich our lives. Although we may be hesitant to put ourselves out there, we can choose to keep an open mind and stay curious. "It's normal to feel nervous or awkward when meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends," explains Adam Mills, PhD, clinical health psychologist at Nebraska Medicine. "It is also normal to be afraid of rejection or fear being judged by others."

To avoid uncomfortable emotions, we may feel tempted to decline invitations, cancel plans or avoid opportunities to meet new people. "This results in short-term relief, but increases those negative feelings over the long term," says Dr. Mills. "If you keep bailing out on activities due to anxiety, your brain concludes that these activities must not be safe."  

Instead, focus on making decisions based on the bigger picture. "If being social was important to you before the pandemic, it's probably important to you now," adds Dr. Mills. "Although you may feel uncomfortable before new or different experiences, these feelings will improve if you follow through with plans and reconnect with people." 

Investing time and energy in making friends as an adult may be challenging, but reaching out to share common interests can pay off in the long run. Try these tips to get you started:

• In a social setting, initiate introductions or a conversation
• Join a group or club, take lessons or sign up for a hobby class
• Look for local groups and events through apps like Meetup, Nextdoor or Facebook
• Show genuine interest by asking questions, validate them and listen
• Volunteer for a cause you believe in and make friends
• Have realistic expectations and keep in contact
• Consider turning acquaintances like co-workers or neighbors into friends
• Expand your circle through your child's playgroup or at a pet park
• Organize and start up your own group based on a hobby or interest

Renewing relationships with old friends

It may feel risky, but sometimes renewing an old friendship can feel like coming home. You have a shared history after all. With some time and attention, reaching out to old friends can be rewarding.

• Take the first step. Reach out with a text, card or phone call
• Show gratitude, compassion and kindness
• Practice vulnerability and extend empathy when times are tough 
• Initiate getting together, share some memories and laughter
• Cheer them on by celebrating their successes 
• Follow up regularly to keep in touch

Reevaluating friendships

Taking time to reflect may help you evaluate friendships that are no longer healthy. Has the lapse in communication revealed friends who are unhealthy for you or those who no longer share your values? Maybe a friendship has become wrought with criticism and negativity. Sometimes we simply grow apart by accident. 

Different seasons of life cause us to seek out friends for various reasons, and it's OK that not all will turn out to be friends for life. Everyone deserves friendships that will remain steadfast through the ups and downs. It's OK to invest in those relationships that are mutually beneficial, are uplifting and meaningful. 

Letting go gracefully

Letting go of a friendship gracefully can afford you the opportunity to focus on your growth and the quality of your connections. Perhaps instead of looking at it as the end of a friendship, think about seeing the person less or only in a group setting. If you must cut ties, remember that letting go of a friend is a loss, no matter the reason. Realize you are not alone in your feelings and take time to grieve. When you're ready, take action to build new, authentic friendships, resisting the urge to fill the gap of someone you lost.

While the pandemic has been stressful on our friendships, we can move forward in kindness with ourselves and others to forge stronger, authentic relationships.